Don't Call Me

Black Magic and I were talking about names we can and cannot accept. The question posed was "If a guy called you a Bitch or Hoe (whore) which of the two would insult you more than the other?" We both agreed that they shouldn't call us either one but let's face it...they do. It's already established that everyone knows better. So then it comes down to which is the lesser of the two evils for you personally. We both picked a man would get cussed out if they referred to either one of us as a Hoe.

When he calls you a hoe he's aiming to insult you, especially if he doesn't know you. His ego may have gotten bruised resulting in an involuntary reaction and that was the best he could come up with at a short notice. It could be for a number of reasons. Whatever the reason is though he's an asshole with cussing out coming his way. He takes a stab at the stain on your reputation, attempting to flaw your character when he calls you a hoe. Folks know hoes. They know that it can be a dirty and demeaning job, to be one professionally or amateur, whether out of necessity or for fun. They know hoes can be hollow and open for any and everybody, used up and worn out. Sure she can be paid and live outwardly affluent but everybody takes from them and there's no lady left in a hoe to show for it....they are just hoes... dumped into that soiled category.

Now if he calls you a Bitch, well you can live with that. He's only tagging your attitude and that really is up to you to do as you please with it. You may have good reason to be a bitch. Some people prefer that attitude as also their means for communication. That might be the best way they relate or understand what you convey. Bitches don't have to give up their wholesome to be prosperous like hoes do. You can take a bitch home to meet momma and marry her. You can be a bitch and no one has to know until you get ready to introduce that alter ego and yes it can be an alter ego. Easily turned off and on at your discretion. That's what I like about a bitch.

But I tell you what I don't like out of all the names I have been called. Don't call me "Dear"! I hate when people call me that! It sounds so condescending to me like I am beneath someone as if I am a child they are referring to. I don't know why but it does. Don't call me that shit either!

You Cry Baby

It has been 2,361 days or you could say 6 years, 5 months 17 days and counting since she left me. You'd think I'd be over it by now but I will never get over it. I still have the ugly face, snotting nose, baritone gut wrenching bellowing boo-hoos when I think of her 1 second too long. The thoughts of her could strike at any given moment. I could be on a drive home from work and boom! Water works on! I could be watching TV, or cooking, or taking a shower, whatever the case though I am always alone when it happens. It's better that way. I go through resentment, anger, happy thoughts, things I want to tell her, things I wonder if she'd approve if she knew I behaved in a certain way. I always needed her approval, her validation.

I think my grandmother would be proud of me most of the time but to this day I still cry. I cry like a big baby. Sometimes I lay across the bed and have my tantrum kicking and screaming too. I'm smiling at the thought of it. If she knew I did that she would say ...."Nah Boid (Bird) cut all that shit out!" LOL! I loved her with all the heart one person could have to love someone. Even in her eternal absence I still need her. I need her voice. Her meals. Her scolding. Her hugs. Her spoilings...oh she had favorites too. I need her wisdom. Her potty mouth. Her gossip. Her history. Her voodoo ( lol). I need her healings. Her prayers. Her prophecies. I need her hands.

Her birthday is this month and I will think about her as natural as it is for me to breathe. The best advice I can give myself is ...You go on and cry Baby.

The Alternative

I had this conversation with my cousin today and thought it was hilarious. You see only she and I have this weird off balance (for lack of a better term) sense of humor. I would describe it as a creative stretch of the imagination the way we communicate and entertain our fun loving side. She must have sensed I was in the funk and she called me today to check on me. It's always a welcomed interruption when she calls. So I was telling her that I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired...just life. What had I said that for?!!!! So then it begins!


She reminded me that the "Alternative" doesn't sound that great either. Can you imagine yourself laying in the bed and then you open your eyes and say "God I don't want to do this today, I don't feel like going to work."...then you close your eyes again and will yourself to get out of bed. Well wait a minute! Just before you "mentally prepare" you hear a heavy breathing whispering sound and feel a mist of freshly whipped up steam (like a smoke machine in a haunted house ) and you open your eyes to see the grim reaper emerging from your freshly vacuumed carpet. What would you do?


Well I've already fashioned in my brain that I would be headed to closet picking out clothes to wear, brushing my teeth and combing my hair. Yeah and when confronted by those words, "God I don't want to do this today"....I would politely lie. Yes I would. I would act as if Grimm had the wrong house and insist that he checks his clipboard because I would deny that those words crossed my thoughts furthermore lips all the while putting my clothes on for work. I know it would be one of the oldest tricks in Grimm's book but I would have to convincingly attempt it. And the icing on the cake would be the person laying next to you with a dumb founded look asking...."Ummmm who are you talking to?"


I guess when put like that...the "Alternative" doesn't sound that great.